Tesla Releases Nude-Driving Technology

AUSTIN, TX — Perhaps in an effort to boost the flagging stock price of the electric carmaker, Tesla announced on Thursday that a software update arriving to all of its models by the end of the year includes “unlimited nude-driving technology.”

“Tesla drivers will no longer have to worry about the constraints of clothing while they’re behind the wheel,” said Tesla CEO Elon Musk. “The driving experience is about a direct connection to our car, and to the road. Being naked is the only true way to do it.”

The popularity of nude driving has been on the wane since the 1970s, but Tesla is betting big that customers’ attitudes can be changed.

“Technology-assisted nude-driving is an entirely different ballgame,” said automotive expert Dicky Bloads. “The analog nudity of the sixties, seventies, and eighties was a lot of fun, but there were major safety issues.”

Prototypes running earlier versions of Tesla’s nude-driving software have been responsible for three dozen deaths on American roads as of press time.