Supreme Court Rules Cybertruck Explosion Actually A Pretty Cool Way To Go Out

WASHINGTON — By a 7-2 decision, the Supreme Court ruled on Tuesday that dying in a fiery explosion caused by the shoddy design and flimsy construction of a Tesla Cybertruck would actually be a pretty cool way to go out.

The ruling comes in the wake of the fourth major recall of the Cybertruck since its November release. Many regulators and the car-buying public are beginning to ask serious questions around its safety — questions that the highest court in the land has dismissed as “lame” and “for dweebs.”

“The Cybertruck's heightened potential for spontaneous combustion and out-of-control operation is not a design flaw, but rather a feature that adds an element of excitement and unpredictability to one's final moments,” wrote Chief Justice John Roberts in the majority opinion. "The court finds that perishing in such a spectacular fashion would be totally badass."

In her dissent, Justice Sonia Sotomayor argued that Cybertruck explosions, while often spectacular, fail to meet the legal standard of coolness set by previous cases involving motorcycle stunts, air show disasters, and monster truck rallies.

“The court disregards these precedents and ignores settled law,” she wrote. “There are much cooler ways to die, and we all know it.”