Apple To Integrate Steve Jobs' DNA Into OS X

SAN FRANCISCO, CA — Following the surprise announcement that Apple’s co-founder and visionary CEO was resigning due to health concerns, the Cupertino, CA, company unveiled plans to incorporate Mr. Jobs’ deoxyribonucleic acid, or DNA, into the next versions of their operating systems, OS X and iOS.

“Since its founding, Steve has always been an integral part of this company,” said new CEO Tim Cook. “Now he will finally be an integral part of our software.”

Mr. Jobs has been battling pancreatic cancer since late 2003 and had to take a medical leave of absence in 2009. 

He resigned with a brief note to Apple’s board of directors, saying he “could no longer meet my duties and expectations” as CEO, but that he also “looks forward to living forever in the form of the most technically advanced operating system of all time.”

The hands-on approach of Mr. Jobs, combined with his legendary attention to detail, have left many analysts wondering for years how Apple would transition to a Jobs-less future.

“He’s left an indelible mark on every aspect of Apple,” said technology expert Dicky Bloads. “Without his guiding hand, it’s possible that Apple could lose its way, both in design and corporate culture.

“But now his genetic blueprint is literally worked into every single one of their products, which will continue to evolve in a way that is consistent with Jobs’ vision.”

Mr. Jobs says that he looks forward to passing along his particular sequence of chromosomes to future generations of Apple products. In his statement he predicted that it would be “a smooth transition. Apple has been such a big part of me for so long, it only makes sense that it could work the other way around.”